Forgiveness
by musically inclined
Summary: From The Author Of Paralyzed...I must have pulled at least five fistfuls of hair before he broke down the door and stared at me in complete shock.“Isabella Marie Swan!”he said in horror.“What have you done?”Rated T for the serious subject.It ends happily!
1. Chapter 1

I wanted to write a story about Edward's return. I always found it kind of…odd…how Bella just forgave Edward without a second thought. I mean, I know she loves him, but he hurt her. I think it was completely and totally wrong of her to just forgive him. It is like saying, "You can do whatever you want to me. I will always forgive you no matter what." He basically has free reign over her. That is completely and totally wrong.

I know other people have written stories about Bella not accepting Edward back for a while, but I promise my story is different. Other people's versions frustrate me to no end. I always find something wrong with them. It is no fault of the author. I just invision it completely differently.

Anywho…I hope you enjoy it!

(And yes, I will still be updating Through Your Eyes. I just HAD to get this out of my head first.)

* * *

Bella's Point of View

One year. The love of my life left me exactly one year ago today.

This past year had been a living nightmare. I can't eat. I can't sleep. It feels like my heart had been ripped out and thrown on the ground where everyone proceeded to jump on it in joyous excitement.

The only thing that has kept me alive is Charlie. I have kept myself alive through the knowledge that Charlie still cares about me and that if I did something drastic to myself, he would go off the deep end. I couldn't do that. Not to Charlie.

I had to do something though. I couldn't just stay alive and suffer through all the pain. I had to find some sort of…outlet. And it had to be a pretty big outlet too.

I lay in my bed one day, about two months after he left, thinking about it.

I was in emotional pain. Deep emotional pain. Some people might feel like I am in too much emotional pain, that I am being irrational. But _he_ was the love of my life. He _is _the love of my life. I didn't feel whole anymore without him. I knew that this probably _was_ irrational, but I can't help my feelings. You can't make yourself feel happy when all you want to do is lie in bed and rot.

What if I could turn that emotional pain into physical pain though? I had handled physical pain plenty of times before. That sort of comes with being a klutz. It was the emotional pain that I couldn't handle. So I needed to replace that emotional pain with physical pain.

Cutting was the first thing I thought of that day. But cutting seemed too drastic. Besides, I couldn't handle blood. Cutting involved lots of blood. I quickly pushed that idea aside.

I had once heard of someone who pulled out their hair. If you pull out more than one strand at a time, it is sure to cause you physical pain.

That day, I decided to try taking out all of my emotional pain on my hair. I went into the bathroom to test it out.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was so frail, so sickly looking. I barely ate anything anymore, only enough to keep me alive. I rarely slept. Closing my eyes was too dangerous when all I would dream about was _him_.

Maybe replacing my emotional pain with physical pain would help me feel well enough to eat healthy again. Maybe it would help me sleep again. Maybe I could actually be happy again.

So that day, with those thoughts in mind, I put my hand to my head and grabbed a fistful of hair. I closed my eyes and pulled with all my might.

The pain brought me comfort. I no longer felt the emotional pain that I had been holding onto for so long. I only felt the burning in my scalp.

It felt…nice not to have to deal with the hurt anymore. It was definantly a change. A change for the better…or so I thought.

Now that ten months have gone by, I realize my mistake. Pulling doesn't help anything. Sure, it replaces the emotional pain of him leaving me. But now I feel emotional pain from this addiction I have created. I can't help myself anymore. When any memories of him come into my mind, I can't help but run into the bathroom and rip my hair out until I don't remember him anymore.

I am suffering from the emotional pain of my outward appearance. I had to cut my hair to try to hide this addiction from people. My once flowing, brown hair now runs to the end of my chin and curls underneath. It flows no more.

And I have to suffer from the emotional pain of trying to hide this from people. I don't want anyone to think of me as a freak even though I am. I am the biggest freak there is.

So here I sit now, with my short hair and my dark secrets, in Calculus trying desperately to shake off this feeling I have had all day. This feeling that something is going to happen; something big that no one can stop.

I laid my head on the desk trying to clear my mind. I had the urge to run to the bathroom to rip out my hair, but I couldn't. Not here with so many possible witnesses. Not when Charlie thinks I am better after the rehab he put me in.

After Charlie found out about my pulling, he immediately found a place for me to go for a few months. I went to school there so I wouldn't fall behind. Charlie made sure to keep it a secret by saying I went to visit my mother.

I have been doing so well. I haven't pulled in two weeks. Charlie was proud of me. I couldn't disappoint him by running into the bathroom now. I couldn't hurt Charlie like that.

I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else, anything else to rid me of the memories that were now seeping into my head.

"Isabella, are you alright?" Mr. Varner asked out of nowhere.

It would be so easy now. I could lie to him and tell him I had to go see the nurse. I could run to the bathroom and pull. Just one clump would be sufficient. Just one clump…

"Yes Mr. Varner. I am just fine," I said quietly as I raised my head.

I had Charlie to think about. If no one else, I had Charlie.

* * *

I walked into the lunchroom and sat at my usual table with Angela and Ben. They were the only ones who still talked to me. They were the only ones who tried anyway.

"Hey Bella. How are you doing today?" Angela asked.

Angela and Ben were the only ones who knew my secret besides Charlie. I knew what she was asking. "I am doing…good," I answered quietly.

"How long has it been now?" Ben asked.

"Two weeks to the day," I said.

Angela squealed. "I am so proud of you Bella! You are so strong."

"I don't feel strong," I whispered looking down.

"Oh Bella," Ben said. He patted me on the back. "It is going to be okay. I promise you that."

"Thanks," I said trying to smile. At least I had Ben and Angela. They were such good friends.

"Where is your food?" Angela asked.

"I'm not hungry."

"I thought you might say that. So I took the liberty of getting you a piece of pizza," Ben said proudly.

I smiled slightly. "Thanks Ben." I took the pizza and took a small bite.

The rest of lunch, Angela and Ben talked. They tried to get me to join in the conversation, but it was no use. This was how it was every lunch. Angela would ask me how I was. I would say good. Ben would ask how long. I would tell them. Ben would give me a piece of pizza. They would go on talking with no success as to make me join.

The bell rang signaling that we had five minutes to get to class. I stood up and turned around to start walking away when I saw the one person I thought I would never see again. The one person who had hurt me so badly, so deeply was standing right in front of me.

The world seemed to stop. Everyone around me became a blur. There was only he and I now.

His eyes held a look of deep concern. I think I even saw a hint of pain in them, but I couldn't be sure. I was too shocked.

"Bella," he whispered.

I had longed to hear his sweet, velvet voice for a year now. I had longed to see his beautiful, angelic face for a year now. I had waited to touch him for a year now. But for some reason, I couldn't make myself move. My brain didn't seem to be functioning anymore.

"Bella," he whispered again. "Oh how I have missed you."

My knees buckled beneath me and I fell to the ground. All was black.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of a soft engine purring beneath me. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself in the back seat of his Volvo.

He was in the front seat driving to who knows where. I could see his eyes in the mirror. They looked hurt. He was in pain.

Slowly, I sat up. He immediately turned around and looked at me with deep concern in his eyes.

"Bella," he said relief evident in his voice.

"Look at the road," I whispered hoarsely.

He frowned at me but turned around.

I looked at him in deep awe. Was he really here? Was I really in his Volvo right now?

I lay back down and closed my eyes. I was just dreaming. I had to be. He didn't love me. He wouldn't be here right now if he didn't love me.

I felt the car come to a stop. He opened his door and was opening my door in what seemed to be the same second. Carefully, I felt him lift me out of the car and start carrying me somewhere.

I opened my eyes to find us in my driveway headed for the front door. I looked up at him in shock. His lips were pressed into a thin line.

He was really here. He was here at my house. He was here with me.

He opened my door, not seeming to be stopped by the fact that it was locked, and carried me over to the couch. He carefully laid me down and put a blanket around me. He then sat down on the floor and started running his hand through my hair.

"What did you do to your hair?" he asked quietly.

My eyes widened. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him what kind of a freak I had become.

"Not that I don't like it," he added quickly. "It's just…different."

"I cut it," I whispered. My voice was hoarse. Was it always that hoarse?

He nodded his head. "I have missed you so much Bella," he said.

I couldn't say anything. This was all too much for me. Everything was happening too fast.

I got the urge to run up to the bathroom and pull my hair. I had to do it. But I couldn't. Not with him here. So I closed my eyes tightly and put my hands to my head.

"Are you okay Bella?" he asked in alarm.

Why couldn't I be happy now? He was back. He seemed to want to be in my life again. Why couldn't I say 'I missed you too?' Why couldn't I say anything?

"I'm…fine," I struggled to say. Angela, Ben, and Charlie were going to be disappointed in me. I was about to break my two-week record. I had to pull now.

I shot up and jumped off the couch. He tried to hold me back, but I screamed. Immediately, he let me go.

I bolted up the stairs and ran into the bathroom where I locked the door behind me. I grabbed what little hair I had left and pulled. I pulled as hard as I could.

I sunk to my knees and continued to pull. Tears were now streaming down my face, and I was screaming in complete agony.

Why couldn't I just take him back? I loved him! I loved him so much! But I couldn't seem to forgive him for what he did to me. He couldn't say all those things to me and then come back a year later and expect me to take him back with open arms. That would give him the idea that he could push me around and do whatever he wanted to me.

I must have pulled at least five fistfuls of hair before he broke down the door and stared at me in complete shock.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" he said in horror. "What have you done?"

* * *

So there you go. I am sorry it is so depressing, but I HAD to get this out there. Like I said, all those other versions of this out there bug me to no end. I HAD to show you all how I think it would go.

No, this story is not over. It will continue…if you want it to. Do you want it to?

Oh, and by the way, I am in NO WAY WHATSOVER trying to promote the idea of pulling. No, I do not pull my hair. I do however know someone who did once. It doesn't help anything. DON'T DO IT! And please don't blame me if you do start doing it. I don't want anyone getting the idea that it is okay. IT IS NOT OKAY! Don't do that to yourself! PLEASE! Be smart!

Please REVIEW! I need to know if you want me to continue.


	2. Chapter 2

WOW! 27 reviews for one chapter! You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for the comments!

Here is another chapter, because I really need to get to a happy part. No, this chapter will most likely not be happy, but it will bring us one step closer!

Enjoy!

Oh, and I forgot to add a forswear to the last chapter.

Just remember that I don't own it!

NOW, enjoy!

JAR:

I must have pulled at least five fistfuls of hair before he broke down the door and stared at me in complete shock.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" he said in horror. "What have you done?"

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I looked up at him in complete embarrassment. "I…uh…"

I stood up and tried desperately to reattach the fistfuls of hair to my head. It was in vain though. I had relapsed and now I had to live with that fact.

He came over and grabbed my shoulders roughly. "How could you do this Bella? Why would you do this?" he asked appalled.

Tears streamed down my face as I tried to gain the strength I needed to tell him how I felt.

"We need to talk," I whispered through my tears.

He almost laughed. "Yes we do."

He took his hands off of my shoulders and led me to my bedroom. We sat on my bed and he waited for me to explain myself.

"I don't know where to start," I said quietly.

"How about you start with what you were doing in the bathroom," he suggested.

I took a deep breath and began. "It's a disorder called pulling. I pull my hair out to replace my emotional pain with physical pain."

I looked down. I couldn't handle the hurt in his eyes.

"You do it because I left you." It wasn't a question.

I nodded.

"Bella, I need to explain to you why I left. You need to understand that I didn't want to."

I looked up in shock. "You didn't want to and yet you did?" I asked.

"Let me explain Bella. Please."

I made no motion to stop him, so he began.

"I left because I love you Bella. I left to protect you."

"From what?"

"From me. From my family. From what we are."

I looked away. I couldn't believe what he was saying. He left because he didn't love me. He wouldn't care if I got hurt. He didn't care about me.

"Please believe me Bella. I love you. I always have, and I always will."

I shook my head. "No you don't."

"Yes Bella, I do."

I suddenly lost it. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have left me!" I shouted.

He stared at me in shock.

"Bella…"

I jumped up and cut him off. "You left me here all alone to rot! You said things that night that tore me apart! Are you telling me you lied that night?"

"Yes Bella," he whispered. "I lied to protect you."

"Well guess what!" I shouted. "You didn't succeed!" I pointed to my head and watched as he looked down in shame.

"Please forgive me Bella. Please," he whispered.

I almost laughed. "You can't do something like this to me and then expect me to take you back in a heartbeat. I'm not a pushover."

He stood up and walked to me. "I know what I did was horrible. I suffered too. That is why I came back. But I did this to protect you."

I closed my eyes and let my tears fall freely. "You can protect me from you, but you can't protect me from myself," I whispered.

I heard him take in a deep breath. I opened my eyes and looked at him sadly.

"Go. Please just go," I said quietly.

"Bella…"

"I said go!" I yelled.

He nodded and smiled at me sadly before walking slowly out the door.

I didn't hear the front door close, but I knew he was just being quiet. I waited a few seconds just to be sure before I slowly fell to my knees crying in despair.

I had just told the man I love to go away. How could I have done that? He had hurt me so deeply though. This was more serious then just saying 'I forgive you.' I no longer trusted him at all.

I curled into a ball right there on the floor and waited for death to find me. Maybe death would make me feel better.

* * *

Edward's Point of View

I nodded and smiled sadly before walking away from my love.

I knew I should go, but I couldn't help myself. I stood quietly outside Bella's door and watched as she dropped to her knees and began to cry in complete agony.

How could I have been so stupid? I thought leaving would be a good thing, but it was the worst mistake of my existence. I had hurt the girl I loved so deeply that I didn't know if she would ever forgive me.

I watched as my angel curled up into a ball and stared into space with no emotion on her tear stained face. I turned away and ran to my car. I had to make this better. I had to fix my Bella.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I knew that lying here wasn't going to help anything, but I couldn't work up enough energy to move. So I stayed on the ground curled into a ball.

Eventually, I heard the front door open and close and Charlie called out my name.

"Bella?"

I made no motion to get up.

"Bella, Angela called the station. She said you came home early and that she was worried about you," he called.

I didn't say anything. I just curled tighter into my ball.

I heard Charlie clomping up the stairs toward my room. "Bella?" he called.

He opened my bedroom door and gasped.

"Bella!"

He ran over to me and bent down. "Bella? Honey, can you hear me?" he asked.

I looked up at him but did not speak.

"What happened sweetie?" he asked quietly.

Slowly, I stood up and stared at Charlie. I watched as his eyes got huge.

"Your hair!" he yelled. "You were doing so well Bella! How could you do this? How could you…"

I cringed and cut him off. "Please don't yell at me," I whispered.

He frowned but stopped. "Why did you do it Bella?" he asked as calmly as he could.

"_He_ came back," I whispered.

Charlie gasped. "Where is he?" he shouted. "I'll kill him!"

I laughed humorlessly. "Don't worry. He's not here anymore."

Charlie looked at my pained expression and embraced me in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry Bella," he said quietly.

I pulled away and wiped the tears that had formed off my face. "Don't worry about it. I am just going to check out the damage to my hair."

He nodded, and I walked into the bathroom. I picked up the clumps of hair from the ground and threw them in the trashcan. I then looked into the mirror.

I had two bald spots on the right side of my head, but surprisingly, that was it.

I took a brush and was barely able to cover them, but I _was_ able to cover them and that made me extremely happy.

I turned on the water and rinsed off my face. If only water could wash away all the pain too.

I walked out of the bathroom and made my way downstairs. I went into the kitchen and found a box of pizza on the table.

"I decided to give you a break today considering…well yeah," Charlie said as he walked in from the living room.

I tried to smile even though all I felt like doing was crying. "Thanks dad. I'm not hungry though, so I am just going to go to bed."

Charlie frowned in disapproval. "Bella, you are entirely too skinny. You never eat enough these days. Now, sit down and eat at least one piece of pizza before you go to bed."

I frowned. "I said I'm not hungry."

"Bella," Charlie warned.

I could tell he wasn't going to give in, so I sat down and forced a slice of pizza down. I didn't like the fact that Charlie watched me like a hawk the whole time though.

Once I was done, I stood up and started walking away, but Charlie grabbed my arm lightly. "You know what would be even better?"

I shook my head.

"If you ate another slice."

"Goodnight dad," I said.

He laughed and let go of me. "Fine. At least you ate something. Now go off to bed."

I turned around and started to ran up the stairs, but not before hearing Charlie say, "I swear that boy is going to die!"

I stopped dead in my tracks. "What did you say?" I asked.

"What? Um…I didn't say anything sweetie. I thought you were tired," he hinted.

I turned around and looked him straight in the eyes. "I might be upset right now. I might be depressed, and messed up, and angry. But that doesn't mean you have the right to do anything to…Edward." Saying his name hurt, but I forced it out.

"Bella…"

"I might be mad, no infuriated at him right now, but that doesn't mean I don't still love him," I said calmly.

Charlie gasped. "Bella, he hurt you! He hurt you so badly! How in heaven's name could you still love him?"

"You don't think I know that?" I yelled. "You don't think I know how badly he hurt me dad? He hurt _me_. I _know_ that! But yes, I still love him. No matter how _angry_ I am at him, I will _always_ love him!"

"I can't believe you Bella!" Charlie yelled. "So does this mean you forgive him? Does this mean you two are back together?"

I lowered my head. "Just because I love him doesn't mean I forgive him," I said quietly.

"So you two aren't back together?" he asked in relief.

"Don't sound so happy about it!" I yelled. "_I_ most definantly am not!"

"Well if you aren't happy, then why don't you just get back together with your two timing boyfriend? Get back together with him even though you know he doesn't love you or care about you! Get back together with him even though he thinks you are a worthless piece of crap!"

I gasped. That was below the belt.

"Bella, I didn't mean that," Charlie said quickly.

"Stop," I whispered.

"_I _love you Bella. _I _care about you. _I_ don't think you are a worthless piece of crap."

"But he does," I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure he heard it.

"Bella…"

"If you will excuse me," I interrupted quietly. "I will be in my room."

I walked into my room and slammed the door behind me as tears began to cascade down my face. This was going to be a heck of a night.

* * *

My alarm clock went off at exactly six thirty. I shut it off and didn't get up until six fifty-five.

When I finally did get up, I only had enough time to brush out my hair making sure to cover the new bald spots and get dressed. I didn't care what I looked like though, so it didn't really take that much time.

I ran downstairs and was surprised to see Charlie sitting at the kitchen table with his head lowered. When I walked into the room, he looked up at me with sad eyes.

"You are going to school?" he asked quietly.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked just as quietly. Charlie and I had never fought like this before. It was awkward.

"I just thought…oh never mind."

"I…uh…well I have to go now," I said.

"Bella, I want to apologize for what I said last night," he said quickly.

I did not want to talk about this right now. "I _really_ have to go now," I said.

"Bella, please…"

"Dad, I don't have time for this. We can talk later." Then something clicked in my head.

"Why aren't you at the station?" I asked.

He didn't answer.

"Dad…"

"No, I didn't go kill that boy last night. I wanted to, but I didn't."

"Then what are you doing home?"

"I took the day off."

I frowned. Charlie never took the day off. "Why?"

"I was up all night thinking about what I said to you. I'm tired."

"Well then why don't you go to bed?" I asked. "I'll be back later. We can talk then."

"Bella…"

"I really can't talk right now!" I yelled immediately regretting it. The look in Charlie's eyes was enough to bring me to shame. "I'm sorry dad. I just…can't talk about this. Not right now. Not until I am ready. Later okay? I promise," I said in a softer tone.

He nodded his head and stood up. "You better go. You are going to be late."

I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door completely aware of Charlie staring me down.

I pulled into school with one minute to spare. I practically had to run not to be late for my first class.

When I did get there, I wanted to turn around and run back to my truck as fast as possible. _He_ was there. Edward…I cringed…was there.

Slowly, I made my way into the classroom only to find that the only seat left was next to him.

I stopped in front of the room. I couldn't sit by him. Not now after everything that had happened.

"Ms. Swan, is there a problem?" Mrs. Hansen asked.

"Um…there aren't any seats left," I said even though I knew very well that there was a seat for me.

Edward frowned at me, but I looked away at the teacher.

"Yes there is. There is one right next to Mr. Cullen," she said.

I mentally cursed her. Stupid teacher! "Oh. I must have looked that one over," I said.

"Well, take a seat then. Class has already begun."

Slowly, I walked over to the table I was obviously destined to share with Edward. I stood on the side staring at him for a moment. The look in his eyes! It made me cringe. I couldn't do this. I almost turned and ran right then.

"Ms. Swan, I said take a seat," Mrs. Hansen said more forcefully this time.

I dropped my bag to the floor and slowly sat down making sure not to look at Edward. That would hurt too much.

"Thank you. Now, let's get started. If you could all take out your textbooks and turn to page 453…"

I blocked the teacher out concentrating all of my might on ignoring Edward. I could feel his penetrating gaze though. It nearly tore me apart.

"Would you like to tell the class what is so interesting about Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen?" Mrs. Hansen asked.

Everyone in the room snickered, but I cringed. I could feel Edward take his gaze off of me. "No Mrs. Hansen. I am sorry. Please go on with your lesson."

His voice brought me to a whole new level. I nearly threw up right there from the stress.

"As I was saying…"

I put my head on the table and tried to clear my mind. I couldn't do this. I wasn't strong like Angela thought. I couldn't handle being near Edward anymore. He had hurt me so badly and he continued to hurt me by just being here to remind me.

A cold hand began to stroke my hair. At first, it felt nice. But then I realized whose hand it was. I jerked my head up and jumped up.

"What is it _now_ Ms. Swan?" Mrs. Hansen asked frustrated.

"I…I don't feel well. Could…could I go to the nurse?" I asked nearly crying.

"Well, if you really don't feel well…"

I shook my head.

"Would someone like to take Ms. Swan to the nurse?" she asked.

Edward immediately stood up and came to my side. "I'll do it."

I mentally cursed her again and quickly walked out of the room with Edward following closely behind.

Once we got outside, I took off running. There was no way I was going to be alone with Edward. But of course, he was too fast and caught up with me. He put his arm around my waist and whirled me around.

"Bella, stop," he said.

"Don't order me around," I whispered through my tears. I jerked away from his touch and began to walk to my truck.

"Bella, we really need to work through this. Please let me talk to you," Edward begged.

"I c…can't talk to y…you," I stuttered.

"Why not?" he asked keeping up with me easily. I got to my truck and turned around.

"You hurt me Edward," I said quietly. He smiled as I said his name but I cringed. "You hurt me. Can't you understand that I just need my space?"

"Bella, I know I hurt you. I will never forgive myself for that. But don't you think you are being a little irrational about this? I apologized to you and I meant it. I love you Isabella. Can't you accept that?"

I gasped. "Irrational?" I said. I was surprised I was keeping so quiet. Normally, I would be yelling by now. "Edward, it killed me when you left. You can't come back and expect me to get over that _pain,_" he cringed, "right away. It is going to take some time. Please understand that," I begged.

"I do understand that Bella. I know I hurt you terribly. I understand that it is going to take some time. But I need to know one thing. Do you still love me?" he asked.

I looked down. I thought back to my fight with Charlie last night. Yes I still loved Edward. But should I tell him that?

"If you don't love me anymore, I will completely understand. I have put you through a lot. I just need to know. If you don't love me anymore, I will leave you alone." That statement made him cringe.

I sighed. "I love you Edward. I love you so much." I looked up and couldn't miss the huge smile spreading across his face. "But that doesn't mean I forgive you." His smile turned into a frown. "At least not yet."

"I will earn your forgiveness Bella. I will win you back," he said with determination.

"I am not a prize to be won," I said.

His eyes widened in shock. "I didn't mean it like that Bella."

I sighed. "I know. Anyway, you should probably be getting back to class now."

He frowned. "You aren't coming?"

"I will in a minute. I…I just can't be around you right now."

His body stiffened. "Bella…"

"I will come in a minute and I will sit by you in class. Isn't that enough for you?" I nearly shouted. I lowered my voice. "I just need time to calm myself down. I can't be around you right now. It is too _hard_." My voice cracked on the last word.

"Oh Bella." Edward tried to pull me into an embrace but I jerked away.

"Please just go Edward. I will come back in a minute."

He frowned deeply and couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. I was hurting him, but he had hurt me. No, I wasn't trying to get revenge. I just needed him to understand how deeply he had hurt me.

"Fine. I will earn your forgiveness one way or another," he said as he walked off.

I slumped against my truck as soon as he was out of sight and began to cry.

* * *

Wow! That was long! I hope you enjoyed it!

REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own any of it.

JAR:

"Fine. I will earn your forgiveness one way or another," he said as he walked off.

I slumped against my truck as soon as he was out of sight and began to cry.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I was now at home curled into a ball on my bed. Today had been possibly the worst day of my life besides the day Edward left. I replayed the whole day through my head.

I had gone back to class like I said I would. It was the hardest thing to walk into that room knowing that the one I loved was right next to me, but even though I loved him, I couldn't forgive him. I was so frustrated to the point of nausea that I couldn't forgive him.

He had been in all of my classes throughout the rest of the day. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised. Edward had those kinds of 'powers' on people. However, every time I walked into my next class and saw him sitting next to where I sat, I couldn't help but feel completely dumbstruck.

I successfully avoided him at lunch though. I hid in the girl's bathroom the whole time. Even with his 'powers', there was no way he would get into the girl's bathroom.

Angela somehow found me. She stayed with me the whole lunch period and listened to me explain what was going on. She didn't even get mad like I thought she was when I told her I had pulled my hair yesterday. She just hugged me and kept telling me it was going to be okay.

But then she did the unexpected. She pulled out a piece of paper and a pen.

"Ben, me and…Edward," she began, "have come up with a plan to help you Bella. We want you to stop pulling your hair and get yourself healthy again. We love you so much, and none of us can stand to see you hurting like this. So we talked it over and came up with this."

She handed me the piece of paper and I froze. "Angela…"

"Bella, please listen to me. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You need to sign this. Not for Ben, or me, or even Edward. You need to sign this for yourself."

I looked at the paper again. It said…

_I, Isabella Marie Swan, will not pull my hair ever again. If life gets to be too hard and I have the urge to pull, I will do anything in my power to contact Ben, Angela, or Edward for help. _

Below that was a line where I was supposed to sign my name.

"This is stupid Angela," I said quietly, still looking at the paper.

"I know it isn't a legally binding contract, but this type of intervention has been proven to help others Bella. Ben, Edward, and I feel this will help you too. Please sign it Bella. We love you, and we want to see you happy again!"

She gave the pen to me and watched as I signed the paper shakily. I gave her the paper, and she smiled at me.

"Thank you Bella," she said softly.

Lunch had ended then, and I was left to deal with Edward for the rest of the day. Knowing that he wanted to help me really helped me come one step closer to forgiving him though.

After school, I had asked him if he would come talk to me. He eagerly accepted and walked with me to a picnic table hidden from everyone's view. We sat across from eachother and I began.

"So you're working with Angela and Ben now?" I asked quietly.

He nodded. "Anything to help you. Just out of curiosity…"

"Yes Edward, I signed the contract," I said interrupting him.

He smiled. "You don't know how happy that makes me."

Even though I was hurting at that moment, I felt myself smile slightly. Then I became serious again. "Edward, I want you to know that I still love you. I love you so much that it is killing me that I can't forgive you!" I looked down and continued. "But the fact of the matter is, I _can't_ forgive you. Not yet. Because Edward, you hurt me so badly. I can't even describe to you how much you hurt me."

"Bella…"

"Please just listen," I whispered still looking down. "I know your reasons for leaving. You left because you wanted to protect me from what you and your family is. You left because you wanted me to have a happier, healthier life. Those are all noble reasons, but even though they are noble, you still hurt me. How could you ever think for one second that I would have a happy life without you? How could you ever think I would be safer without you? Edward, you kept me alive by being with me. You know how accident prone I am."

I looked up to see him staring at me with a profound look in his eyes.

"But I wasn't with you so you could keep me alive. I was with you because I love you. You saving my life just made it all the better. But I seriously can't understand how you could ever think I would be happier without you. You obviously don't know me at all." I looked him in the eyes to communicate how serious I was. "I was not happy without you Edward," I said matter-of-factly. "I am not even happy now that you are back because we aren't together. But I can't be with you when I can't forgive you or trust you."

"Bella," Edward began. "I understand that you can't forgive me yet. I hurt you deeply. I will never forgive myself. Not even if we get back together." He looked down and continued. "It's just that my reasons seemed good at the time. So I left. And now that I look back on it, I was so stupid!"

"I did know you Bella. I do know you. I knew you wouldn't be happy when I left. I knew you wouldn't be safe without me. But I pushed those thoughts away when I left. I lied to you, and I lied to myself. I told you I didn't love you, and that was a complete lie. I told myself you would be better off, and that was a lie too."

He looked up and looked me in the eyes. "Isabella, I can't tell you how sorry I am right now. _I am so incredibly sorry_."

I looked away at my hands in my lap. "Thank you Edward. I needed to hear that," I whispered.

"I love you Bella, and I will be waiting for the day when you are ready to forgive me. As for now, I hope we can still be friends."

I nodded my head even though I didn't know if that would work.

"And…I know this is probably not the best time, but…everyone wants to see you again. I told them all to stay away from you at school today, but I don't know how long I can hold them off anymore. Alice and Emmett especially."

I sighed looking up. "Alright. I will see them, but not at your house. I can't go back there yet."

He nodded. "I understand."

"And maybe only just Alice and Emmett at first. I don't think I can handle all the…commotion…just yet. I need to come back slowly."

"That sounds reasonable. They will be so excited Bella. When can they come see you and where?"

"I am sure Alice has already seen this and dragged Emmett to my house."

Edward chuckled. "I'm sure she has. Shall we?" He stood up and gestured toward the parking lot.

I stood and walked by his side to my truck. He opened my door for me and I got in. He got into his Volvo and followed me to my house where Alice and Emmett were waiting on the front porch, Alice bouncing in place.

Slowly, I got out of my truck and walked up to Alice who immediately embraced me in a hug.

"Oh Bella! I have missed you so much! We have so much to catch up on! We should go shopping together and…"

"Oh Alice," I moaned. "No shopping. Not yet."

She frowned. "Don't you love me?"

"Alice, of course I love you. But no shopping right now."

She pouted but nodded.

Emmett then swept me up into a huge bear hug. He lifted me up off my feet and spun me around before putting me safely on the ground again.

"BELLA!" he yelled.

I laughed. It felt foreign to me, but I liked it. "EMMETT!" I yelled.

He leaned into me and whispered in my ear, "I've got Edward's punishment all prepared. Don't even worry about it."

Edward growled behind me. I just laughed.

"You're the same overprotective big brother," I said.

"Well of course. If I wasn't, who would beat up all those nasty people who hurt you?" He looked over my head and winked at Edward before laughing.

Edward only growled. "Alright. Enough jokes at my expense. Let's get inside," he said.

Alice, Emmett, and I had talked for two hours catching up on everything. We talked about my disorder, which made me cry. But we also talked about all the happy times ahead which lightened the mood. The whole time we talked though, Edward just sat across from me and stared at me. He seemed to be trying to communicate how much he loved me.

All of this wasn't why I was curled into a ball on my bed right now though. That part came later.

Alice and Emmett had left Edward and me alone to talk. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner for Charlie and me when it happened.

After Edward's apology and seeing Alice and Emmett again, I decided it was time to forgive Edward. He was sincere in his apology, and I felt like it would be unnecessary to prolong the hurt.

So I turned around and smiled slightly. "Edward, I want you to know that I forgive you."

He had looked at me in complete shock before engulfing me in a huge hug. He began kissing every inch of me from the shoulders up. "I love you so much Bella," he said in between kisses.

I stood stock still as he continued to kiss me. Eventually, he read my body English and stopped. He held my shoulders and looked me in the eyes.

"What's wrong Bella?" he asked.

"I didn't expect that," I gasped.

He smiled. But when he saw me frown, he became solemn.

"What is it Bella?" he asked nervously.

"I…" I looked down and tried to get out of his grip, but it was no use. I was stuck.

"Bella, you can tell me anything," Edward assured.

I sighed and gave in knowing it was no use to fight. "I forgive you Edward. But I can't…be with you…anymore," I said quietly. "I can't…trust…you."

His hands dropped from my shoulders. "What?"

"I can't be with you anymore," I whispered.

"Because you don't trust me?" he clarified.

"Yes."

He put his hands to his head and turned around. "Bella…I thought…I thought that once you forgave me, everything would be better. I though we could be together again." His voice began to rise.

"Edward, I forgive you. I still want to be your friend. But I can't be anymore then that. You broke my trust with you," I said as tears began to fill my eyes.

"Bella," Edward said turning around. I could tell he was having a hard time staying calm. "What do I have to _do_ to get you to trust me again?" he asked.

I looked down. "I don't know," I whispered.

"Okay…well why don't you trust me?"

I looked up in shock. "Are you _serious_?" I asked.

"Yes Bella. I am completely serious!" His voice continued to rise.

"You left me Edward! How do I know you won't leave me again when things get hard? How do I know that the next time Jasper takes a snap at me, you won't lie to yourself and leave again? I couldn't take that again Edward. I would rather die! I would die!"

"Bella, I will never leave you again," he said. "I love you too much to do that again."

"But how can I trust that right now? You only just came back yesterday Edward. I need some time to gain trust again."

"Bella…"

"Edward," I pleaded. "Please understand me. I want to be your friend. I want to hang out with you and all that. But I can't be anymore than a friend to you right now. Not until I trust you again. Not until I _know_ without a shadow of a doubt that you won't leave me again."

"I told you I wouldn't Bella," he said quietly. He was breaking down before my eyes.

"Edward, I forgive you. I forgive you for leaving me. And after only one day too! But I can't trust you again that quickly. _That_ takes more time."

He sighed and turned around. "Bella, I can't just be your friend forever when I want to have so much more with you. I can't do that," he whispered.

"It won't be forever Edward. Prove to me that you won't leave me. Prove to me that you won't hurt me again."

"How?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "Just prove it to me."

Edward turned his head and looked at me with the saddest look I had ever seen. "I really messed up didn't I?" he asked.

I nodded my head slowly.

He turned around and ran out of the house.

That was why I was curled into a ball now. Would things ever get better? Was I being irrational by not being with Edward again?

It's just…I couldn't trust him. Not yet when things were still so fresh.

I wanted to pull so badly, but the contract kept popping into my mind. I couldn't pull. I couldn't hurt Angela, Ben, and Edward that way.

So I cried myself to sleep that night scrunched into a ball, trying to hold myself together.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

JAR:

It's just…I couldn't trust him. Not yet when things were still so fresh.

I wanted to pull so badly, but the contract kept popping into my mind. I couldn't pull. I couldn't hurt Angela, Ben, and Edward that way.

So I cried myself to sleep that night scrunched into a ball, trying to hold myself together.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

It has been a week since I told Edward I forgave him. It has been a week since I told him I still couldn't trust him. It has been a week since Edward ran out on me.

School has been awkward this past week, considering Edward has every class with me. I want to talk to him so badly, to make him understand, but I can't bring myself to. He talks to me though. Everyday, he talks to me even though I don't talk to him.

I know he is trying extremely hard to gain my trust back. What with the talking to me no matter what and him getting his siblings to talk to me, I can tell he is trying really hard.

The only thing I have told Edward this week is that I haven't pulled once. Even though I have wanted to practically ever second of every day, I haven't pulled once. It could be because I was strong like Angela said, but I don't think it is. I think it was the doll Edward got me.

Edward bought me a little doll with a head full of hair. He said that if I ever needed to pull, I should try pulling the doll's hair. It really does help, but it is still hard not to pull my own hair.

Right now, I was sitting in Biology. Edward was next to me as usual. We were doing a lab as table partners, which required me to talk to Edward.

"So Bella, how are you doing today?" Edward asked me.

"Pass me the microscope?" I asked.

He smiled and handed it to me. "I am so happy that you haven't pulled in a week. You don't know how amazing that is."

"Pass me the slide please," I said.

Edward frowned but passed it to me. "Bella, you said you still wanted to be friends with me," he said.

"And I do," I said.

"HA! You talked to me! You talked to me!" he exclaimed.

I put down my work and turned to him. "Look Edward. I still want to be your friend, but I feel like I can't without you getting the idea that we are together again. We are _not_ together again."

"I know that Bella," Edward said. "I just want you to at least talk to me. I can't stand talking to myself anymore."

"Okay Edward. I will talk to you. But if you even once try to make a move on me or anything like that, I will end it. I am not ready to get back together yet. If I ever want to get back together, _I_ will be the one to make the first move. Do you understand?" I asked.

"Yes! Oh I promise I will be on my best behavior Bella. You don't have to worry about me."

"Good. Now let's get to work."

* * *

Okay, so I know it is extremely short, but I am having writer's block at the moment. I don't want Edward and Bella back together quite yet, so I need something to fill the time.

Anyway…when I come up with it, I will update immediately.

REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5

I am officially out of my writer's block thanks to VeggieGurl896

I am officially out of my writer's block thanks to VeggieGurl896. See what a few words in a REVIEW (hint hint) can do for a story? I now have the next however so many chapters planned. So thanks VeggieGurl896!

I don't own it.

Just to warn you all, this story is about to take some MAJOR twists! Enjoy!

JAR:

"Okay Edward. I will talk to you. But if you even once try to make a move on me or anything like that, I will end it. I am not ready to get back together yet. If I ever want to get back together, _I_ will be the one to make the first move. Do you understand?" I asked.

"Yes! Oh I promise I will be on my best behavior Bella. You don't have to worry about me."

"Good. Now let's get to work."

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I woke up the next morning feeling oddly happy. Maybe it was because Edward and I were talking again. I still wasn't ready to take him back, but it felt good to at least be his friend.

I got ready for school in record time and made my way down the stairs to see Charlie sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal.

"Dad? Don't you have work?" I asked as I made myself some cereal.

"I took the day off," he said smiling.

"Why?" I asked as I sat down across from him.

"I don't think we have been spending enough time together Bella. I was wondering if you would maybe take the day off from school to spend some quality time with your old man." He smiled sheepishly.

My happy mood immediately left. "Oh dad, I would love to, but this week is finals. I can't miss school."

Charlie looked down and nodded. "I understand."

I felt so bad. I wanted to spend some of that quality time with my dad, but there was no way I could miss school when I had huge finals that made up most of my grade.

"I really do want to dad. How about this Saturday? I will cancel all of my plans so we can spend some time together."

He looked up at me and smiled hugely. "You would do that?"

"Of course! I want to spend some time with my old man!" I smiled and got up to wash out my now empty bowl.

"That would be great Bella. I am so glad to have you back."

Slowly, I put my bowl into the cupboard and turned around. "I'm sorry about that dad. I didn't want to hurt you."

"I understand Bella. You were hurt. But for some reason, you are fine now, and that makes me happy."

I frowned realizing that Charlie had somehow "forgotten" that the Cullens were back. "Um dad…didn't you hear that the Cullens are back? I told you a while ago that day I relapsed." I looked down.

Everything became really quiet then. Charlie seemed to be holding his breath trying to hold back his anger. "You aren't back together with _him_ are you?" he asked. I knew who he was talking about.

"No dad. I'm not."

Charlie immediately relaxed. "Well then I don't see a problem. Do you?"

"Um…no?" It came out more as a question.

"Well good. I guess I will watch some TV now that I have the whole day to myself. You should be getting to school." He stood up and turned to walk to the living room.

"Remember Saturday dad!" I called after him.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world!"

* * *

I was sitting with Angela, Ben, and Edward at lunch when it happened.

Two police officers came into the lunchroom, and when they spotted me, they started walking over.

"Are you Isabella Swan?" one of them asked as they came up to the table.

"Bella," I corrected. Something was wrong. I could feel it.

"Bella, I'm afraid we have some bad news for you. Would you mind coming outside with us?"

I turned to Edward who was frowning deeply.

"Um…" I turned back to the officers and nodded. "Sure. But…can Edward come with me?" I asked motioning to him. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew Edward knew. I had the feeling I would need him once I found out this news.

"That's fine."

I stood up and said goodbye to Angela and Ben. Edward stood up next to me, and we followed the officers out to the sidewalk. We all stopped, and I turned to look at them intently.

Edward seemed extremely tense next to me. He took my arm tightly as if to prepare me further for what I was about to hear. I looked at him questioningly, but he just nodded towards the officers.

I turned back to the officers and asked, "What's wrong."

"Bella," the main officer began. "Your father, Charlie, was called into work today last minute. We had a situation, and we needed back up. There was a robbery."

"Ok…"

"Your father went in to try to calm things down and was shot by the robber."

Time froze then. What had he just said?

"Bella, your father is dead. Charlie is dead."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Haha. Very funny. Now tell me what's really going on."

The officers looked at me with pained expressions. I grew frantic as I then searched Edward's face and found the same pained expression.

"Tell me you're joking," I said frantically. "You have to be joking."

"I'm afraid we're not," the officer said sadly.

"Tell me you're joking!" I ordered. "You're playing a really mean joke on me. Dad, this isn't funny!" I yelled to the deserted area around me.

"Bella, they aren't joking," Edward whispered sadly into my ear. "Charlie's dead."

I stared blankly at him for a second before the reality of it all came crashing down on me. My father was dead.

I began to scream so loud that a few students came from the lunchroom to see what was going on. I started falling to the ground, but Edward caught me around the waist and began to rock me back and forth whispering that it was going to be okay.

"He can't be dead!" I screamed. "I just talked to him this morning! We made plans for this Saturday! He can't be dead!" I screamed.

"Couldn't you have waited until after school to tell her?" Edward yelled angrily to the officers over my screaming. "Couldn't you have waited until she was at home?"

"We're sorry. We thought it would be best to tell her right away."

"Well you thought wrong!" he yelled. "Now go away! NOW!"

I continued to scream as a group of students circled around Edward and me.

"GO AWAY! There is nothing to see here!" Edward screamed angrily. The students scattered immediately.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't control myself. I screamed so loudly that my throat became raw, and even then, I continued to scream in complete agony. My father was dead! Inconceivable!

He was just walking around this morning. He was breathing, moving, living just this morning! How could he be dead only a few hours later? It didn't seem possible!

I jumped out of Edward's arms and pushed him away. I began walking towards the parking lot trying to get to my car. I knew I shouldn't be driving in this condition, but I couldn't make myself stop moving. I couldn't stop myself from practically running to my truck.

Edward easily caught up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Where are you going?" he asked quietly.

"I'm going home," I croaked out. "I have to tell Charlie that the officers are telling lies about him. I have to tell him that they said he was dead even though he's not." Edward wrapped his arms tighter around me. "He's at home watching TV. He took the day off. He's at home watching TV. He's at home watching TV."

"Bella, Charlie is dead."

"NO HE'S NOT!" I screamed. My legs gave out then and I fell to the ground with Edward's arms still wrapped tightly around me. Everything began to swirl around me and I blacked out.

* * *

Oh my gosh. That was extremely hard to write. But oddly, it came quickly. It was just hard to have to put someone, fictional or not, through that kind of pain. I have been through something like that, and I NEVER want anyone to EVER have to feel that.

I know it was sad, but please REVIEW.

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	6. Chapter 6

Two in one day! Be happy.

JAR:

"Bella, Charlie is dead."

"NO HE'S NOT!" I screamed. My legs gave out then and I fell to the ground with Edward's arms still wrapped tightly around me. Everything began to swirl around me and I blacked out.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I woke up to Edward whispering softly in my ear. "Bella, please wake up."

I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay right where I was, wherever that was, and die.

Charlie, my _father_, was dead. This could not be happening to me. Things were just beginning to get better in my life and then _this_ happens.

"Bella honey, please," Edward begged.

What had Charlie ever done to deserve this? He was a caring father who did everything and anything to make me happy. He did nothing wrong with his life, and then that stupid robber had to go and shoot him. I was going to kill that robber!

"Carlisle, it has been two hours! Why isn't she waking up?" Edward asked.

"I told you Edward. Her mind is trying to protect itself. Leave her be," Carlisle said. "She's had a hard day."

Hard didn't even begin to describe it. This was the worst day of my life besides the day Edward left me.

"But two hours Carlisle?" Edward was still panicking. I figured it was timed to wake up.

I groaned softly and immediately felt Edward's hands fly to my face. "Bella?" he asked.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked into Edward's concerned face.

"Oh Bella!" He took me in his arms and sighed. "You scared me half to death. And I'm already dead!"

I looked over his shoulder and took in my surroundings. It looked like I was in Edward's bedroom. He had apparently bought a bed.

He pulled away and looked at me worriedly. "Are you okay Bella?" he asked.

"Was it a dream?" I asked quietly.

He knew what I meant. "No," he said sadly. "It was real."

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to calm myself down. I could tell I was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" It was Carlisle talking this time.

I had to be strong. I had to be strong for Edward and Carlisle and everyone else. So I opened my eyes and put on a forced smile. "I feel fine."

Carlisle looked at me oddly but then got a knowing look in his eyes. "Bella, you don't need to pretend to be fine. This is a terrible tragedy," he said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I pushed Edward away and slowly got to my feet. "I'm not pretending."

"Bella…" Edward put his arms around my waist and spun me around. He looked deeply into my eyes trying to figure out what I was thinking. Something in his look made me crack. Tears began to run down my face.

"Oh Bella." He hugged me tightly swaying slightly back and forth.

I pushed him away and wiped away the tears from my face. "I have to start planning Charlie's funeral. I have to get a casket and set a date. And flowers; I need flowers. And I have to call Renee and Phil. And…"

"Bella, you don't need to do anything. I will take care of it all," Carlisle said.

I went on as if I hadn't heard him. "And I have to figure out where I am going to live. I have to clean up Charlie's house and sort through his things. There is so much to do! Why are we all just standing here?"

"Bella, I think you are still in shock," Edward said quietly.

"No I'm not," I snapped. "Now quit standing there and help me!" I walked to the door and opened it. I turned around and barely caught the glance Carlisle and Edward shared.

"I need you to drive me to Charlie's house Edward," I said.

"Bella, you are in no condition to be making all of these plans. Carlisle already said he would take care of it. And I'm sure Alice would be more then willing to help out too," Edward said.

"I am perfectly capable of planning my father's funeral. Now quit acting like I'm a baby and take me to Charlie's house!" I said angrily.

"Just take her Edward. I will start making phone calls while you are gone," Carlisle said.

He began to talk quickly thinking I wouldn't hear, but I heard. "And help her pack her things. She can live with us. I will have Esme prepare her a room."

I acted like I hadn't heard and turned to walk out the door. Edward caught up with me and tried to hold my hand, but I pushed him away. "I am perfectly capable of walking," I said.

When we made it downstairs, Emmett was talking with Rosalie in the living room. Emmett turned toward me and smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry about what happened Bella," he said quietly.

"Don't be sorry," I snapped. "It's fine."

He looked at me weird but then caught glance of Edward and smiled sadly again. "Okay. Just let me know if you need help with anything."

"I don't need help," I said. "I can do it on my own."

He frowned. "Okay…"

I walked out the front door and turned around. "Are you coming Edward?" I asked.

Quickly, he walked out the door and closed it behind him. He opened the Volvo's door for me and then made his way to the driver's side before backing out and getting onto the road.

When we got to my house, I got out and went inside. I went upstairs to Charlie's room completely aware of Edward trailing behind me.

I went into Charlie's closet and started grabbing his clothes. "Find me a box Edward," I ordered.

"Bella…"

"I said find me a box!"

He left and was back in a second with a few boxes in hand. He set one beside me and watched as I threw Charlie's clothes into it.

I then got down on my knees and started throwing the shoes on the floor of the closet into another box.

When they were all gone, I noticed a little shoebox hidden in the back. I took it and opened it slowly. Its contents shocked me.

Inside of the box were pictures of me. There were pictures of me from when I was a little girl to now. I looked at them one by one.

Once the pictures were gone, I noticed a frame at the very bottom of the box. I took it out and started crying. It was a black and white picture of Charlie and me at the park. I was five years old when it was taken.

In the picture, I was holding an ice cream cone that was dripping and Charlie was holding my hand. I was looking up at him and he was looking down at me both of us smiling hugely.

"What's that?" Edward asked as he knelt down beside me. I gave him the frame and looked down.

"It's a beautiful picture," he said handing it back to me. I put it carefully back in the shoebox along with the rest of the pictures and closed it.

"Bella, you don't need to be strong like this. It's okay to cry," Edward whispered as he stroked my hair. "It only just happened."

"But I have so much to plan. I can't plan it all if I am crying," I said softly.

"Carlisle and Alice will take care of the planning Bella. You just take this time to grieve. It isn't healthy to hold it in."

"Okay," I whispered. I slumped into Edward and cried.

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

Thank you so much for the encouraging reviews. For those of you who are confused about where exactly this is going, just hang in there. I _do_ have a plan.

I don't own it.

JAR:

"Carlisle and Alice will take care of the planning Bella. You just take this time to grieve. It isn't healthy to hold it in."

"Okay," I whispered. I slumped into Edward and cried.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

That night, Edward helped me sort through Charlie's things. He even helped me pack my things saying that I was going to live with the Cullens now. I didn't have enough energy to object to this.

After Edward was finished loading up his Volvo, he came back inside to find me curled into a ball on the couch in the living room. He came and knelt down beside me.

"Bella honey, it's time to go," he said quietly.

Slowly, I stood up and began to walk to the door, but my legs gave out on me. Edward caught me just in time.

"How about I carry you?" he asked. I just nodded.

Edward picked me up bridal style and walked to his car. He put me in carefully and was in the driver's seat a second later. He smiled at me sadly and drove away towards his home.

When we got there, Edward called for Emmett and Jasper to come help unload the car. I stayed in the car as the three of them brought everything inside in record time. Once they were done, Edward picked me up and carried me inside where everyone was in a semi circle waiting for me.

"You can put me down," I said quietly to Edward. He set me down but made sure to keep one arm firmly around my waist.

Esme walked over and hugged me. "I am so sorry Bella. If there is anything I can do, just let me know."

I pulled away. "You are all doing enough already by letting me stay here."

"We wouldn't have it any other way," she replied.

"Where's Carlisle?" Edward asked.

"He is in his office planning the funeral and making phone calls."

"Does Renee know yet?" I asked quietly.

Esme nodded. "She wanted to come and get you so you could live with her and Phil, but I told her we were happy to have you stay here. She will be here tomorrow morning for the funeral."

"Why so quickly?" Edward asked.

"Carlisle thinks it would be best to do it as soon as possible. He pulled some strings and was able to schedule the funeral for tomorrow morning," Esme answered.

"What day is tomorrow?" I asked quietly.

"Saturday."

"Saturday?" I whimpered. Charlie and I were supposed to have our bonding time then. I leaned my head into Edward's chest and began to cry softly.

"Is she okay?" Emmett asked.

"What do you think? Her father just died," Edward snapped.

"Can I go to bed now?" I whispered through my tears.

"Of course." He picked me up and carried me towards the stairs.

"Take her to your room Edward. Her room isn't ready yet," Esme called after us.

I put my head on Edward's shoulder and closed my eyes.

"Do you want to take a shower Bella? It might help you feel better," Edward whispered.

I nodded into his shoulder.

"Are you going to be able to stand up long enough to take one?" he asked. I didn't answer. "I will ask Alice to come help you then. Alice?" he said quietly. Alice would hear.

"What is it?" Alice asked as she met us in Edward's room.

"Could you help Bella take a shower?" Edward asked.

"Of course."

Edward set me on the ground carefully. Alice took my hand and led me into the bathroom where she immediately set to work. She stripped me of my clothes and helped me into the warm shower where she washed my hair for me.

She helped me out of the tub and grabbed some pajamas that I hadn't noticed before. They were sweat pants and a T-shirt. She helped dress me and then let me sit down on a stool. She brushed through my hair softly all the while humming softly. Alice was probably trying to make me feel better.

The truth was that I wasn't feeling bad. I wasn't feeling good either. I wasn't feeling anything anymore. I was completely numb.

Once Alice had finished, she helped me stand up and walked me into Edward's room. Edward jumped off his newly acquired bed and ran up to me. He took me in his arms and carried me to his bed. He tucked me in and turned to Alice.

"Thank you Alice," he said quietly.

"It was no problem. Let me know if you need anything else." She walked out of the room leaving Edward and me alone.

Edward crawled into bed with me. I rolled into a ball and felt his arms circle around me holding me tight. I fell asleep to him humming my lullaby.

_"Put the gun down slowly and leave your hands where I can see them," Charlie said. I turned and saw a man dressed in all black with a mask over his face holding a gun._

"_I don't think so," the man said._

"_There is no need for violence, but if I have to, I will take your gun by force," Charlie said._

"_You won't be able to after this." The man pointed his gun at Charlie's heart. I screamed and ran in front of him trying to save my father, but it was no use. The bullet hit him square in the chest, and he crumpled to the ground. The man ran away quickly after that._

"_Dad!" I got down on my knees and looked at my dying father._

"_Officer down! Officer down! We need backup!" I turned and saw a police officer running towards Charlie. He knelt down across from me and checked for a pulse._

"_Tell my daughter…"Charlie wheezed. "Tell my daughter I love her." He went limp._

I woke up screaming and thrashing around. Cold hands held me down to the bed.

"Bella, Shh. Calm down Bella! It's okay," Edward said soothingly.

I fell into his chest and cried.

"It's okay Bella. Just go back to sleep."

"Don't leave!" I whispered frantically clawing at his shirt.

"I won't leave you Bella. Never again."

He began to hum my lullaby and I fell asleep with tears still in my eyes.

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling more tired then when I went to bed. Throughout the night, I had had the nightmare around six times. I woke up screaming every time resulting in basically no sleep.

"Are you awake?" Edward whispered into my ear.

I nodded slowly. I didn't want to be awake.

"The funeral is in an hour. Do you think you can get ready on your own or do I need to call Alice?" Edward asked quietly.

"I can do it," I whispered. I pulled away from him and stood up slowly. My knees almost gave out, but I caught myself on the bed.

"I think I need to call Alice," Edward said.

"I can do it," I said quietly. "I need clothes," I added.

"Alice already set some out in the bathroom. She figured you would want to dress comfortably, so she set out your denim skirt and a sweater."

I nodded and walked slowly to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and got dressed in a daze.

I turned to look in the mirror and almost gasped. My eyes were bright red and swollen from all the crying I did last night, and I had dark circles under them. I washed my face with water, but that didn't help any.

I gave up and decided to try brushing my hair. It was so tangled that I couldn't even get the brush halfway through it. I struggled for a minute before I snapped. I started screaming, and I threw the brush into the mirror causing it to crack.

"Stupid brush!" I screamed. "Stupid stupid stupid!"

Edward opened the door quickly and walked over to me. "Bella?" he asked quietly. He took me in his arms and let me cry into his shoulder.

"The brush couldn't even brush through my stupid hair!" I yelled into his chest. "It couldn't even…do its…job!"

"Bella, calm down. It's going to be okay," Edward soothed.

I pulled away from him and frowned through my tears. "How can you…say that? I just got mad…at a brush Edward! What does…that say about…me?"

"It says you are grieving Bella. This is a perfectly normal reaction."

Just then, Alice walked in. "Do you want help with your hair?" she asked quietly.

I took a breath in and let it out slowly. "Yes," I said as I wiped away my tears. I turned and looked in the mirror. If I thought my eyes were bad before…

Alice walked over and carefully detangled my hair. She made sure to cover the bald spots I still had. "I never thought I would allow you to dress so plainly," she said looking me over.

I almost smiled. Almost.

"Don't you go getting used to it though!" Alice smiled and walked out.

Edward walked up behind me and put his arms around my waist. He breathed in the scent of my hair and sighed. "You look beautiful Bella," he said quietly.

"I look like a tomato," I said matter-of-factly.

"A very beautiful tomato." He chuckled.

I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but I didn't smile. I couldn't when I was minutes away from going to my father's funeral.

Edward frowned. "I miss your smile Bella," he said quietly.

I forced myself to smile.

"That isn't your smile. I miss _your_ smile."

"Well I can't give that to you," I said quietly.

He sighed. "I know. I still love you…more than you ever know. I will be here for you throughout this whole thing Bella. I want you to know that."

I nodded even though I couldn't trust him. Things were only going to get harder from here. Edward would surely leave me again.

"Edward, Bella, it's time to go," Carlisle said from the doorway.

Edward took my hand and walked with me to his car.

* * *

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	8. Chapter 8

I don't own it

By the way, Jacob isn't in this story. He never will be. He and Bella never became friends while Edward was away. So yeah.

I don't own it.

JAR:

"Edward, Bella, it's time to go," Carlisle said from the doorway.

Edward took my hand and walked with me to his car.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

The viewing was awful. Edward nearly had to rip me away from Charlie's lifeless body. But the viewing was nothing compared to the funeral, which was now over.

The funeral being over signified that everything was final. There was no more denying the fact that my father was dead.

Renee and Phil tried to console me, but nothing could make me feel better; not even Edward.

Everyone was now gone except for Edward and me. He was sitting in a chair watching me as I stood in front of Charlie's closed casket.

"Dad," I whispered through my tears. "How could you do this to me?"

I knew it was stupid to be talking to a dead person, but I couldn't help myself.

"How could you leave me when things were finally starting to get back to normal?" I raised my voice so I was practically yelling now. "We were supposed to do some father-daughter bonding today! I wasn't supposed to be at your funeral!"

Edward walked over to me and put his arms around me. I continued to scream though.

"You are supposed to watch me graduate! You are supposed to be there when I leave for college! You are supposed to walk me down the aisle when I get married!" I was thrashing in Edward's arms by now, but he wouldn't let me go. "How could you do this to me? I loved you!" I grew still and began to cry harder as I whispered, "I love you."

Edward was supporting all of my weight now, trying to hold me up. "And now that you are gone," I said through my tears, "I have no one."

Edward's grip loosened around me, and I almost fell. He caught me though and tightened his grip again.

"I have…no one…dad," I stuttered. Forgetting that Edward was with me, I began talking freely about my feelings. "Edward will only be here…for a short time dad. He is going to leave…me again; I can tell. He doesn't love…me. He is only staying here…because you just died. But mark…my words, he will leave again. Because I am not…going to get better…anytime soon. He won't be able to stand…seeing me so sad, so he…will leave me again." I could hardly talk anymore through my tears. "I am alone," I whispered.

Edward sighed and I whipped around. I had completely forgotten he was here.

"Bella…"

"You heard nothing," I said forcefully.

"But Bella…"

"You heard nothing!" I shouted. I did not ever want to talk about this with Edward. "You heard nothing!"

He nodded in understanding and tried to smile, but I could still see the pain in his eyes.

I turned back to Charlie's casket and placed the single white rose Edward had given me on it.

When I was younger, Charlie and I used to joke around. Whenever one of us said or did something that hurt the other, we would call eachother a 'brat.' I was five; brat was the nastiest word I could think of. It had always stuck.

I leaned into the casket and whispered "Brat." I smiled slightly and added, "The biggest." I kissed the casket and turned around. I looked at Edward's confused expression. He didn't know about Charlie and my inside joke. "Let's go," I said quietly.

He nodded and led me to the car. Once inside, I curled into a ball and fell asleep.

* * *

I know it is short, but I wanted to get the funeral out there. So there you go.

And don't go begging for updates. I updated twice yesterday and now twice today. Be happy!

I hope I am getting Bella's emotions right. Things are happening in my life right now that are causing me to feel awful, so I am taking my feelings and putting them into Bella. I hope they are the right feelings.

Anyways...REVIEW!


	9. Chapter 9

I don't own it.

JAR:

I leaned into the casket and whispered "Brat." I smiled slightly and added, "The biggest." I kissed the casket and turned around. I looked at Edward's confused expression. He didn't know about Charlie and my inside joke. "Let's go," I said quietly.

He nodded and led me to the car. Once inside, I curled into a ball and fell asleep.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

When I woke up, I found myself in a pair of stone cold arms on someone's bed. I knew it was Edward immediately, because he was whispering in my ear, thinking that I was still asleep.

"I love you Bella," he whispered. "I'm so sorry for leaving you. I didn't realize it would hurt you so deeply. You didn't deserve anything I put you through. You don't deserve anything bad to happen to you." He kissed me lightly on the cheek. "I wish you could believe me when I say I will never leave you again."

He paused and breathed in the scent of my hair before continuing. "How could you think that you have no one? I love you Bella." He kissed me again and softly pulled me closer to him. "Isn't that enough?"

He even lied to me in my sleep! I couldn't believe him. Maybe he wouldn't leave now, but what about when Jasper took another snap at me? What about when Edward realized I wasn't going to get better any time soon? Surely he would leave then.

I decided it was timed to wake up before Edward could lie anymore. Slowly, I opened my eyes and yawned quietly.

"You had the nightmare five times last night Bella," Edward informed me sadly.

"I know," I whispered.

"You hardly slept at all. Why don't you get some more rest?" he asked.

"I don't want to." I didn't want to have the nightmare again.

"It's Sunday Bella. You have nothing you need to do. Just sleep."

"I don't want to sleep!" I said loudly. I lowered my voice and continued. "I don't want to dream." I single tear escaped my eye. I curled into a ball and lay my head against Edward's chest. "Please don't make me sleep," I whispered.

Edward squeezed me closer to him and buried his face in my hair. "I won't make you," he said quietly.

We lay in eachother's arms for a while just listening to me breathing. I still didn't trust Edward, but it was nice to have someone with me right now. I wouldn't have him later, so I would try to take advantage of his comfort now.

Eventually, Edward broke the silence. "Do you want to eat? Esme made you some food," he said softly.

I wasn't really hungry at all, but I didn't want to upset Esme. "Will you go with me?" I whispered. I was afraid if he let go I would fall apart.

I felt him smile lightly into my hair. "Of course." He started to move away so I could stand, but I grabbed at his shirt.

"Don't let go," I whimpered. He stopped.

"I thought you would want to walk," he said confused. "You haven't wanted me to help you with anything lately."

"Don't let go," I said frantically. "Don't let me fall apart."

He looked at me sadly. "I would never let you fall apart." He picked me up bridal style, and I hugged myself closer to him. I closed my eyes allowing a few tears to escape down my cheeks.

"Don't cry," Edward whispered so softly that I wasn't sure I heard him. He wiped away my tears and carried me downstairs.

"Esme," he said softly. "Bella is ready for her lunch."

I opened my eyes and realized we were in the kitchen. Edward was about to sit me down in a chair but one look into my eyes made him change his mind. He sat down in a chair with me still held tightly to him.

"Bella, it's so good to see you up. You slept all day yesterday and most of this morning," Esme said as she set a plate of food in front of Edward and me.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Don't be sorry dear. You have every right to sleep. Don't even worry about it. Now eat up."

Edward sat me up in his lap so I could reach the food. I ate a few bites of the sandwich, but that was all I could force down. I felt like I was going to throw it all up.

"Aren't you going to eat some more?" Edward asked me.

"No. I would only throw it up." I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

"Should I get Carlisle to look at you?" he asked worriedly.

I shook my head.

"She doesn't need Carlisle," Esme said quietly. "When you are extremely sad like Bella has been, you tend to make yourself sick. She will probably be nauseous and get headaches for a while."

"Do you want to take a shower Bella? That might help," Edward suggested.

"I want to take a bath," I whispered.

"Do you need Alice to help you?" he asked.

"Alice took Jasper away for a little while. He was having problems with Bella's emotions."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"It isn't your fault Bella," Edward said. "Will you help her Esme?"

"Certainly."

"Edward, I can do it on my own," I said opening my eyes and lifting my head away from his shoulder to look at him.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes. Just take me upstairs and I can do the rest." I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes again.

He stood up and walked us up the stairs to the bathroom. He turned on the water with me still in his arms and then sat next to the tub to wait for it to fill up.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?" Edward asked quietly.

"Yeah," I said with my eyes still closed.

"What did you mean when you told Charlie you were all alone at the funeral?" He asked.

I froze in his arms. I thought I had told him never to bring that up. I had made myself perfectly clear that he was to act as if he hadn't heard anything. "I don't know what you are talking about," I whispered as I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"Bella, please answer me," Edward begged. "I need to know why you think you are alone when I am right here holding you, taking care of you."

"Only for a little while," I said quietly closing my eyes again and leaning back into him. "You are going to get sick and tired of doing everything for me Edward. You won't be able to stand to see me so sad anymore, so you will leave. But I can't help but be sad when my father just died and it's my fault," I whispered.

Edward turned off the water and stood me up. "Take off your clothes and get in the water," he said softly. "I will stay in here with you, but I will turn around so I can't see you."

I did as I was told and reveled in the warmth of the water. I turned and saw Edward sitting facing the door, making sure not to look at me.

"How is this your fault?" he asked getting back to the subject.

I turned my head and looked away. "If I had stayed home from school and gone with him to do some father-daughter things, he would have told the police station he couldn't come in, and he would still be alive," I whispered as tears started falling from my face.

"Bella, you had finals that you couldn't miss," he said. "Charlie understood that."

"But I should have gone with him," I whimpered. "He would probably be at home right now watching whatever game was on."

"You can't blame yourself Bella," Edward said. "This was not your fault."

I shook my head but dropped it. "And I will be with you forever Bella," he said. "I will never leave you. Of course I won't be able to stand to see you so sad, but that is because I love you. I hate it when you are sad. It breaks my heart. But no matter how sad you are I will always be here for you holding you together. I will always be here Isabella," he said with conviction.

"Some day, I am going to die Edward," I said morbidly. "And then we won't be able to be together forever. You will be breaking your promise the day I die."

"No I won't because I will find some way to follow after you," Edward said.

"That's sick Edward," I said. "Why can't you just change me?"

Edward stiffened. "I can't damn you to this life Bella," he growled. "I won't do it."

"See Edward. You obviously don't love me. You don't want me forever, but that's okay. I'm just a stupid, ugly human girl who needs help with everything now that her father died. And you are a beautiful vampire who doesn't want to spend the rest of forever with a human."

Edward stood up and put his hands to his head making sure to not look at me. "Bella, it's not that at all! I would do anything to be with you forever, just not that! I will not change you!" he yelled.

"Because you don't want me!" I yelled right back sitting up in the water. "Now get out of here!"

"Bella," Edward said.

"I knew this would happen Edward! I knew you wouldn't want me forever! Just get out," I yelled.

"But Bella…"

"I said get out!"

Slowly, he walked out of the bathroom closing the door behind him. I lay back down in the water and began to cry.

I knew he would leave me again, but it hurt just the same.

I lay in the water crying until the water grew cold, and even then, I stayed in and continued to cry. I really truly had no one.

Well, if Edward didn't want me and my dad was gone, what was the point in even trying to be normal anymore? I had only been trying for Edward so he would possibly want me still, but it hadn't worked. What was the point in anything anymore?

I sat up in the water, still crying, and screamed. I punched my fist into the wall and felt the bones snap. I didn't care though. I grabbed for my hair and pulled as hard as I could, ignoring the searing pain in my hand.

Edward banged on the door. "Bella?" he called frantically.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed. "You obviously don't want me! So just go away!"

I lay back down and whispered, "I have no one," before submerging myself under the cold water. I held my breath and could feel myself getting dizzy. I didn't want to come up for air though. Every breath I took only caused me more pain.

I had read somewhere that it wasn't possible for you to kill yourself by holding your breath. It was natural instinct to come out for air. The stupid article or whatever was right.

I came up gasping for air. I had to do this a different way. I had to do something that would keep me under the water so I wouldn't be able to come back up again. I wanted to die. Maybe then I would be happy. Then I could be with my dad who I knew cared for me.

"Bella?" Edward called obviously still worried about me.

"Go away!" I screamed.

I grabbed my broken hand and twisted it back causing me to scream in pain. I just needed to make myself pass out. Then I would stay under the water.

"Bella!" Edward yelled. "I'm coming in!"

"Stay away!" I yelled.

I twisted my hand back again, which gave me the desired affect. I could feel myself growing faint. I situated myself under the water and knew no more as the pain took me over.

"Isabella!" I heard Edward calling in the distance. I could vaguely feel him pulling me out of the water and wrapping me tightly in a warm blanket. I was shaking almost violently from the cold water.

"Bella!" he called again. I snapped out of it and began to cough up a bunch of water. Edward put me on my side and rubbed my back as I continued coughing up what had almost drowned me.

When I was done, Edward took me into his arms and rocked me back and forth. "Open your eyes Bella," he said frantically. "Open your eyes!"

Slowly, I opened them and looked up into Edward's concerned face. "Edward," I whispered.

"What were you thinking?" he yelled. "You could have died Bella!"

"That was the point," I said quietly.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"You don't want me anymore. There is nothing keeping me here. I wanted to be with my dad, because he actually wants me."

"Oh Bella." Edward pulled me closer to him and continued to rock back and forth. "I want you forever Bella. I love you so much!"

"No you don't. You only want me for a little while. If you really wanted me forever, you would change me," I said quietly.

"Bella, you don't know what you are asking," he whispered.

I could feel my eyes growing heavy. They began to close, and Edward grew panicked. "Bella, stay awake! Stay with me!"

"I'm just tired Edward. And why would you care what happened to me?"

"You almost drowned in cold water Bella!" he said frantically, standing up and running out the door. "You could be hypothermic. And I love you! Why can't you see that?"

"Please just let me go to sleep," I said closing my heavy eyelids.

"No Bella!" Edward shouted. "Not until we get to the hospital. Just stay awake for me until we get to the hospital!" He was running at full speed now.

"Maybe another time," I whispered before I succumbed to the sleep.

* * *

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	10. Chapter 10

I don't own it.

JAR:

"No Bella!" Edward shouted. "Not until we get to the hospital. Just stay awake for me until we get to the hospital!" He was running at full speed now.

"Maybe another time," I whispered before I succumbed to the sleep.

* * *

Edward's Point of View

I ran as fast as I could, watching as my Bella fell into unconsciousness. I couldn't believe I had been stupid enough to leave her in the bathroom by herself! She was obviously hurting, and she could do something stupid. She did do something stupid. She had tried to kill herself.

I ran into the hospital and immediately started yelling. "Get Dr. Cullen!"

A swarm of nurses rushed around Bella and me, but I pushed them all away. "I said get Dr. Cullen!" I screamed. The nurses looked at me in shock but immediately left.

I looked down at Bella. She was so pale and her lips were blue. "Stay with me Bella," I whispered. "Please don't leave me. I need you." My voice cracked.

Just then, Carlisle came running at a quick human speed to my side. He brought a stretcher with him, and I put Bella down softly, never letting go of her hand. We started running to the ER.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked panicked.

"She broke her hand on the wall," I said quickly. "And she tried to drown herself in freezing water."

"Dear God."

We reached the ER, and Carlisle immediately set to work with a few nurses. He gave Bella an IV and started pushing medicine into it to try to get her temperature back to normal.

Just then, I froze. Bella's heart stopped. She wasn't breathing.

Carlisle realized this too and immediately grabbed the paddles. I stood there frozen watching as my love, my existence, was dying.

"Clear!" Carlisle shouted. Bella's body jumped. Nothing changed. "Clear!" Carlisle shouted again, and again, Bella's body jumped.

"Wh…what's happening?" I yelled. "Why isn't it working?"

"The medicine should be working," Carlisle said confused. "She should be stabilizing! Clear!"

I ran to Bella's side as she jumped yet again. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Don't leave me Bella!" I yelled. "Don't you _dare_ leave me!"

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I woke up and found myself in a very white room. I was sitting on the ground, and when I looked down, I was dressed in all white.

"Where am I?" I whispered to myself. The last thing I remembered, I fell asleep in Edward's arms…

"Oh my gosh. I'm dead!"

I stood up excited as ever that my pain was now over. I could be with my dad forever now!

I looked to my left as a door opened. In walked Charlie dressed in all white like me. He wasn't smiling like I thought he should be. He was frowning.

"Dad!" I screeched. I ran up to him and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too Bells," he said quietly.

I pulled away and looked at him oddly. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Sit down Bella. We need to talk."

* * *

Edward's Point of View

I stood there next to my Bella, my angel, as Carlisle set the paddles down. He frowned down at Bella and then he frowned at me.

"Time of death…" he began.

"NO!" I screamed. "NO! YOU CAN'T GIVE UP!"

"Edward, her body was too cold. The medicine wasn't bringing her temperature down. She's gone," he said sadly.

I picked up a scalpel and threw it across the room. All the nurses ran out the door quickly.

"NO!" I screamed. I grabbed Bella into my arms and squeezed her tightly. "You are going to be okay!" I yelled. "You're just sleeping," I whispered.

"Time of death," Carlisle repeated quietly. "Three fifty two p.m."

* * *

Bella's Point of View

"But I don't want to go back!" I yelled. "I want to be with you!" Charlie was trying to convince me to go back to earth again, but I didn't want to. Charlie was the only one who cared about me. He couldn't take me away from him.

"Bella honey," Charlie said. "I want to be with you too, but it isn't your time to die."

"It wasn't your time either!" I yelled.

"Yes it was," he said sadly. "I am needed here Bella, but you are needed on earth."

"No I'm not! No one loves me there! No one cares about me!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes!"

"Look at the floor Bella. There is something you should see."

I looked at the floor and gasped. I saw me, pale as ever lying on a table in the hospital. Edward has his arms wrapped around me, and he was dry sobbing.

"Don't leave me Bella!" Edward yelled. "Don't you _dare_ leave me!"

I looked back at my dad and frowned. "He just doesn't want to have to feel the guilt," I said.

"Look again Bella."

I looked back down to see Edward hugging me closer now. He was still dry sobbing, as he yelled, "NO! You are going to be okay!" He whispered, "You're just sleeping."

"You are hurting him Bella. He loves you so much, and he would cease to live normally if you stayed here. He would go about as a zombie talking to no one and doing nothing," Charlie said softly.

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "But he left me," I whispered. "He can't love me."

"He left you for you Bella. He thought he was doing the right thing. I'm not saying I agree with him, but he did what he thought was best."

"How do I know he will stay with me? What if he leaves again?" Tears were streaming down my face now.

"He loves you too much to leave again. He loves you more than you could ever know, more than I could have ever known. And I know what he is Bella. I don't care. He loves you. He would never hurt you."

I looked back at the floor.

"Time of death," Carlisle said. "Three fifty two p.m."

"NO!" Edward screamed in agony. Carlisle tried to pull him off of my lifeless body, but Edward wouldn't let go. "NO BELLA! I LOVE YOU! I _LOVE _YOU!"

I looked back at Charlie and nodded. "Okay. I think I understand now. Send me back."

Charlie smiled at me. "I love you Isabella. I will _always_ love you." He hugged me tightly. The room around me began to spin.

"I love you too," I whispered. "I always will no matter what."

The room disappeared all together, and the last thing I heard was Charlie saying, "By the way, I'm not a brat."

I smiled and felt myself reenter my body.

* * *

Edward's Point of View

"NO!" I screamed. "NO BELLA! I LOVE YOU! I _LOVE_ YOU!"

"She's gone Edward. I'm so sorry," Carlisle whispered.

I pushed him away and went to punch a wall. I created a hole in it, but I didn't care. My angel, my Bella was dead.

Just then, I heard the most beautiful sound on this plant. Bella's heart thumped. I froze and turned around. Carlisle was looking at Bella oddly.

_Thump, thump. Thump, thump._

Bella gasped and started breathing really heavily. I ran to her at full speed and took her in my arms. "Bella?" I whispered.

Her eyes fluttered, and she opened them slowly. "Edward," she whispered so softly that if I weren't a vampire, I wouldn't have heard her.

"Oh Bella!" I hugged her tightly to me. "Never ever do that again! I love you so much!" Before she could respond, I was kissing her with as much passion as I could muster.

"Edward, I need to check her," Carlisle said quietly. I pulled away but held onto Bella's hand tightly.

Carlisle checked her blood pressure, her heart rate, and her body temperature. Everything was back to normal except for her blood pressure.

"It's a miracle," Carlisle said.

"What about her blood pressure?" I asked quickly.

"It should go back to normal soon. For now though, she will be extremely tired. We need to check her into a room and let her sleep here overnight so I can monitor her."

I looked back down at my angel. Her eyes were closed, but I knew she was only sleeping. Her heart was beating strongly in her chest. I had my angel back.

* * *

REVIEW!


	11. Chapter 11

I don't own any of it.

Thank you all so much for the reviews! I got some really good compliments that made me so happy; I just had to update again!

Enjoy!

JAR:

"It should go back to normal soon. For now though, she will be extremely tired. We need to check her into a room and let her sleep here overnight so I can monitor her."

I looked back down at my angel. Her eyes were closed, but I knew she was only sleeping. Her heart was beating strongly in her chest. I had my angel back.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I was dreaming. I knew that much. But this was such a good dream. I was with Charlie in heaven again.

"I'm sorry to invade your dreams honey, but I forgot to tell you something," Charlie said.

I smiled. "Don't worry about it. What did you need to tell me?"

"Vampires have souls," he said. "I have to go now. Tell Edward for me will you?"

I stared at him in shock as everything around me began to fade.

I woke to an annoying beeping sound coming from my right. I was so tired. I wanted to punch whatever was making the sound so I could go back to sleep.

I moaned softly.

"Bella?" Cold hands stroked my hair.

Slowly, I opened my eyes to see Edward leaning over me looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"Edward?" I questioned quietly. I couldn't seem to talk any louder. I was too tired.

"Yes, it's me. You scared me to death Bella," he said.

"How long was I out?" I asked as everything came flooding back to me.

"You woke up in the ER but only stayed awake for about a minute. You have been sleeping for about eight hours since then."

"Where am I?" I asked.

"You are in the hospital. Carlisle wanted to keep an eye on you for a little while."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I'm so sorry Edward," I whispered. "I put you through a lot."

"Just promise you will never do anything like that ever again," he said. He got into the bed with me and put his arms around me.

"I can't promise that," I said snuggling closer to him.

He stiffened next to me. "Bella…"

"I can promise I will never try to take my own life again, but I can't promise that nothing will happen to me." I opened my eyes and stared in front of me. "I am just a human Edward," I whispered. "Things happen."

"Bella…I know you want me to change you, but I can't. I can't damn your soul."

I laughed quietly.

"What's wrong Bella?" I didn't answer. I just kept laughing. "Why are you laughing Bella? This isn't funny." He turned me towards him so he could look at me.

I calmed down and looked into his eyes. "I talked to Charlie."

"What?" Edward asked.

"When I died, I went to heaven and was able to talk to Charlie. I came back here, but he came to my dreams. He forgot to tell me something."

"What did he forget to tell you?" He thought I was crazy. I could tell.

"Edward, please believe me. I am not lying. I talked to Charlie." I yawned. Why was I so tired?

He looked into my eyes and must have seen that I was telling the truth. "Okay, I believe you," he said softly. "What did he forget to tell you?"

"Vampires have souls," I whispered.

Edward stared at me in shock. "N…no we don't."

I rolled my eyes. "Charlie told me from heaven Edward. I think he would know."

"But…we aren't even living," Edward argued. "We can't have souls."

"And yet you do." I smiled and touched his cheek stifling another yawn. "I always knew you did," I whispered.

"Well, even if we have souls, I can't change you Bella."

I pulled my hand away and looked at him in shock. "Why not?"

"I can't put you through that pain Bella. I will not change you!"

I rolled over so I wasn't looking at him anymore, but something tugged on my arm. I looked down and saw an IV stuck in my arm. I cringed but closed my eyes and tried to ignore it.

Even when he knew he had a soul, he still wouldn't change me. I knew he loved me now, but he could be so annoying sometimes!

"Bella?" Edward asked.

I didn't reply.

"Come on Bella. Don't be like this. I can't put you through that kind of pain! I love you too much!"

"I've been through worse," I whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I have been through pain much worse Edward. I think I can handle anything after what I have been through."

Edward sighed and wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer to him. "I'm sorry Bella."

"You did it for me," I whispered. "I understand now." I opened my eyes and turned my head toward him. "But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt."

"I put you through so much. And then your father dies. I'm so sorry Bella. I love you so much." He kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Please change me Edward," I whispered. "Please."

He sighed. "I don't know Bella…"

"I would still have my soul," I said. "And I can handle the pain. There is no reason not to. Charlie is gone now. There is nothing holding me back."

"Would Charlie approve though?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I said confidently. "He told me so."

"When you were in heaven?" Edward clarified.

"Yes. When I was in heaven. Please Edward."

I was so tired. I yawned yet again. Edward needed to answer now. I needed to sleep.

"You should sleep Bella. You have been through a lot," Edward said.

I shook my head but could feel my eyes fluttering. They were so heavy.

"N'swer me," I said quietly through the haziness.

"When you wake up Bella. Sleep now my angel. I will love you forever." He began to hum my lullaby and I drifted to sleep.

* * *

REVIEW!


	12. Chapter 12

OH MY GOSH! Okay, so I am basically freaking out right now from all of the AMAZING reviews! I am not _even_ kidding!

The reviews for the last chapter were probably the best I have EVER received for any story I have ever written. Apparently, I made many of you cry. I am also apparently very good at portraying emotions. This is also apparently one of the best fanfictions you have read, according to you guys.

Do you know how that makes me feel? You guys, I am like…floating…right now! I am so beyond happy! The thing that makes me the happiest though is that you guys think I have natural talent. You are telling me to use my talent wisely. I promise you all, I will do my best.

I seriously think I have some self-esteem issues, but after all of these reviews, you guys have boosted my self-esteem so much. I still don't agree that this is one of the best fanfictions. I still don't agree that I have born talent. But now I do think I am fairly good thanks to all the reviews.

Thank you all so much! Seriously! I can't thank you all enough! You are absolutely amazing!

Anyway…this will be the last chapter of Forgiveness. Enjoy it!

JAR:

"N'swer me," I said quietly through the haziness.

"When you wake up Bella. Sleep now my angel. I will love you forever." He began to hum my lullaby and I drifted to sleep.

* * *

Bella's Point of View

I woke up and found my self still in the hospital. I was mad at that, but I realized that I at least didn't have an IV anymore.

"Sleep well my love?" Edward asked from beside me smiling hugely.

My breath caught in my throat at the sight of his smile. I hadn't seen him smile like that in forever. "Y-y-oh," was all I could get out.

Edward laughed. It was music to my ears. "Am I dazzling you?" he asked.

I looked away and cleared my throat. "I don't see how that should surprise you," I said quietly.

Edward laughed again and took my face in his hands. He turned me toward him and kissed me on the lips. When he pulled away, I smiled hugely and snuggled close to him.

"While you were sleeping, I was thinking," he said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I was thinking about…changing you," he said running his hands through my hair.

I didn't make any sudden movements. I didn't want to seem too eager; that might make him change his mind. Instead, I ran my fingers along his chest as I asked, "And what is your decision?"

He sighed. "I will change you," he said quietly.

Still, I made no sudden movements fearing he would change his mind. "Really?" I whispered.

"After all, we do have souls, right?" he asked.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I sat up and pounced on Edward smothering him in kisses, laughing the whole time. "Thank-_kiss_-you_-kiss_-so-_kiss_-much!"

Edward chuckled and rolled us so he was now on top of me. "If I had known you would react this way, I would have said yes a long time ago," he said.

I laughed. Soon though, my smile began to fade. So did Edward's. We stared at eachother all the silliness now gone.

Edward ran his fingers softly along my cheek. I reached up and ran my hand through his hair. I could not believe the feelings emanating off of him right now. I was probably sending him the same feelings. They were feelings of pure and utter love.

Slowly, Edward leaned into me and put his lips lightly against mine. At first, the kiss was soft, careful. But as it went on, it became urgent. I knotted my hands in his hair as he ran his tongue, his _beautiful_ tongue, along my bottom lip. I shivered in delight.

Realizing that I was losing air quickly, Edward carefully pulled his lips away from me but didn't let go. He held me tight and smiled at me hugely. His eyes seemed to sparkle like he did in the sun.

"Do you know how much I love you?" he whispered not wanting to break the moment with his loud voice.

"You can't love me as much as I love you," I said just as quietly.

Edward lay next to me now making sure not to let any space come between us. He pulled me close to him and breathed in the scent of my hair.

"I'm so sorry Edward," I whispered.

"For what?" he breathed.

"For everything I have put you through. For the way I acted when Charlie died. For not forgiving you right away. For not trusting you."

Edward turned me so I was looking right into his smoldering eyes. "Don't ever apologize for anything Bella!" he said. "Charlie was…is…your father. If you had acted any differently, I would have been worried. And if you had forgiven me right away and trusted me again right away, that would have been wrong. I deserved everything you did Bella. Don't you dare apologize."

"But…"

"No Bella!" He stared me in the eyes trying to get me to understand. "I hurt you. I didn't deserve your forgiveness or trust."

"You know that you have both now though right?" I questioned quietly.

He relaxed and smiled. "Yes. I will forever be in your debt my Bella."

I smiled and looked at his beautiful lips. "Now can we stop talking so you can kiss me? I have been without it for far too long now."

Edward chuckled. "As you wish," he whispered before crushing his lips to mine.


	13. Final Author's Note

Wow. My second story is now done. I can hardly believe it.

I really enjoyed writing this story. It allowed me to express the anger and sorrow and sadness that I am feeling in my life through other characters. It really helped me.

I am extremely grateful for all of my reviewers. You will never know how happy you all have made me. Thank you all so much for everything that was said…the good and bad. The good helped boost my self-esteem. The bad helped me to improve.

Thank you all so much, and I really hope you enjoyed Forgiveness!

Musically Inclined


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